I never considered how amusing the American Family Association might be. In my attempt to follow up and verify a news article I ran across, I started searching their website and was surprised at how funny the whole site was. The claims made on the website are more outrageous than the supermarket tabloids they are, apparently, crusading against. And here I thought they were devoting all their time to stopping gay marriage. I'm glad to know the National Enquirer is taking some of the heat too.
The following is an unaltered headline from one of their pages:
Supermarkets educate children in a "trail of sex."
Kids corralled like cattle and force fed doses of porn
Who knew? I obviously need to change grocery stores, because mine certainly doesn't have any "trails of sex." Although quite frankly, given the looks of most cashiers, I can't say I'm too disappointed, but there is the occasionally cute bag boy.
In this same article the AFA claims that: "Once inside the "chute," our children are bombarded by the company's complete lack of respect for traditional family values. It is here grocery managers, like cattle wrangling cowboys, start branding the minds of parents and children alike with images and descriptions of casual, social, and noncommittal sex from magazines like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, and Redbook."
5 minutes ago: Saddam Out: Kim Jong-il In: grocery managers
My sister reads Glamour. Maybe she's a communist. Hmmm.
Slightly more outrageous than this claim and the spelling errors that pepper the "news items", is this statement:
"A Christian attorney says homosexual groups are teaching student activists in public schools to use provocative behavior to goad other students into acting hostilely toward them."
""Their goal is to transform American public schools into centers of pro-gay activity and training," he says. "They want the schools to advance the gay agenda through 'sensitivity training,' 'diversity' days, [and by] including homosexuality in curricula, etcetera."
"Lively says student activists who flaunt their homosexual behavior in front of students considered to be "rednecks or jocks" often succeed in forcing their school to adopt an anti-bullying policy that embraces a pro-homosexual perspective, because if the school does not take action they are likely to be sued"
Remember, kids, homosexuals like to be beat up. So don't do it; they'll only get off on it. The pervs.
What is flaunting anyway? Is that like patting a "jock" on the butt during a workout? Nah, nothing gay about that.
This entire evening of entertainment was brought to me looking for the AFA's poll on gay marriage. Although I couldn't fin that poll, I did find a poll asking if visitors would be willing to boycott MTV. I guess Jesus says to make sure you can win a boycott before you begin one. Was that in the book of Numbers? By the way, you don't get to vote "no," you just get to tell them you would support one. Just to be sure you want to support the boycott, they link you to "very offensive" dialogue. The dialogue is about whether one of the Real World cast members has a large, um, member not in a cast. Unfortunately, the article just leaves you hanging about how low the guy hangs. I had to read through it twice just to make sure I was sufficently offended.
Whatever happened to just turning off the television or monitoring your children?
I still didn't find the poll I was looking for. According to the February 14 Q-Notes, a Charlotte based gay newspaper:
The American Family Association, originally said on its web site that it intended to report to Congress the results of its internet poll on gay marriage. But now it is porbably not going to follow through...after nearly 60 percent of the more than 825,000 votes tallied expressed support of gay marriage. "Homosexual activist groups went ot the trouble of skewing this particular poll," said Gary Glenn directore of the AFA of Michigan. "Perhaps it is some comfort to them." The organization considred pulling the poll off its webs site but decided instead to leave it as a wake up call to "traditional American families (who) do not realize the seriousness of this threat." said Buddy Smith, executive assistant to the chairman of the AFA. "We were surprised they hijacked the poll," said Smith.
The warning must have expired because I couldn't find a trace of it on the website. One imagines that had 825,000 votes been hijaked by religious fundamentalist in support of the amendment, they would have still shown the poll to Congress. Perhaps the outcome of this poll is why you can only vote "yes" in the MTV boycott poll. Perhaps the outcome of this poll is because most Americans are not as crazy and paranoid as these people seem to be.