Penguin Season

Don Wildmon is at it again.  As a fomer Tupelo resident, I apologize.

Last spring, the Rev. Donald E. Wildmon of Tupelo, Miss., decided to hold a summit meeting of the Christian conservative movement.

Mr. Wildmon felt the movement was losing the culture war, he recalled in an interview on Friday. Since plunging into political activism nearly 30 years ago, Christian conservatives had helped Republicans take control of Washington but did not have enough to show for it, Mr. Wildmon said. At the same time, the election of Republican politicians had drained some of the motivation out of its grass-roots constituents.

So Mr. Wildmon, founder of the American Family Association and a crusader against sex and violence in the media, sent an e-mail message inviting about two dozen other prominent Christian conservatives to a meeting in Arlington, Va., last June. About 14 people turned up with no set agenda, Mr. Wildmon recalled.

"All we knew was we were going to get together and see if there were some issues of concern that we could agree on and combine our efforts," Mr. Wildmon said.

"The first thing that popped up," he said, "was the federal marriage amendment."

So, because another religious leader is losing his power base (although not in the scandalous way that so many of them tend to do ala Jim Bakker or Jimmy "Great Balls o Fire" Swaggart), gay marriage becomes a moving target. I'm reminded of the old Looney Tunes cartoon where Bugs and Daffy argue whether it's duck or rabbit season. The Rev. Wildmon plays the befuddled Elmer, not really caring who he shoots so long as he gets to shoot someone. In his own Fuddian epic, the Rev. Wildmon hunts for his raison detre and suddenly its penguin season.

Don is going after gay marriages. And, well, apparently, to paraphrase Annie Lennox, "penguins are doin' it for themselves."

There have been many famous gay marriages down the ages: Chip and Dale, Chip & Reichen from THE AMAZING RACE, Segfreid and Roy, and now, Roy and Silo

[These] two chinstrap penguins at the Central Park Zoo in Manhattan, are completely devoted to each other. For nearly six years now, they have been inseparable. They exhibit what in penguin parlance is called "ecstatic behavior": that is, they entwine their necks, they vocalize to each other, they have sex. Silo and Roy are, to anthropomorphize a bit, gay penguins. When offered female companionship, they have adamantly refused it. And the females aren't interested in them, either.

At one time, the two seemed so desperate to incubate an egg together that they put a rock in their nest and sat on it, keeping it warm in the folds of their abdomens, said their chief keeper, Rob Gramzay. Finally, he gave them a fertile egg that needed care to hatch. Things went perfectly. Roy and Silo sat on it for the typical 34 days until a chick, Tango, was born. For the next two and a half months they raised Tango, keeping her warm and feeding her food from their beaks until she could go out into the world on her own. Mr. Gramzay is full of praise for them.

"They did a great job," he said.

And apparently these guys have received their copy of the homosexual agenda because they have recruited.

Roy and Silo are hardly unusual. Milou and Squawk, two young males, are also beginning to exhibit courtship behavior, hanging out with each other, billing and bowing. Before them, the Central Park Zoo had Georgey and Mickey, two female Gentoo penguins who tried to incubate eggs together. And Wendell and Cass, a devoted male African penguin pair, live at the New York Aquarium in Coney Island.

Maybe it's just something in the water in New York. Not surprising with all the musicals running around willy-nilly up there, especially with Rosie and Boy George leading the charge (well, I guess not any more).

Fag hags even exist in the animal kingdom apparently:

[S]tudies showed that adult male dolphins formed long-term alliances, sometimes in large groups. As adults, they cooperate to entice a single female and keep other males from her. Sometimes they share the female, or they may cooperate to help one male.

We all have one, don't we? And sometimes we have to share her with our friends. After all, you may be the style-guru, but it's really Paul who know just how to apply that mascara.

The article does prudently state that animal behavior shouldn't necessarily be a barometer for what is or isn't genetic in humans or for constructing social or ethical policy. As the New York Times point out, lots of animals kill the young of other animals (and sometimes their own). Just because it happens in nature doesn't mean we're going to legalize the mowing down of toddlers even when they chatter on in a movie theater. Perhaps we can do something about the parents,however.

Still, with this kind of behavior in the animal kingdom, it becomes a stretch to say that homosexuality is caused by some type of mental perversion or social ill. With these specific examples, it seems hard to argue that homosexuals do anything to destroy family structures. Rather, they nuture it:

Marlene Zuk, a professor of biology at the University of California at Riverside...notes that...homosexuality may have an evolutionary purpose, ensuring the survival of the species. By not producing their own offspring, homosexuals may help support or nurture their relatives' young. "That is a contribution to the gene pool," she said.

And you always thought that your Uncle Bill (three dollar Bill as your dad used to call him) was only good for being the only fun relative you had.

So, wow, look at the complete and utter destruction gay penguins are causing the fabric of penguin society. About as much as loving gay couples cause to human society. The religious right constantly harp that gay marriage will destroy the traditional family, but never quite elaborate on how that will be accomplished. Quite frankly, we'll be too busy planning our far-more-fabulous-than-our-neighbor's house-warming/Christmas/cookout/Fourth of July party that everyone on the block must attend.

I've always thought that the leaders of the religious right were merely power-hungry. They can't stand giving up the power they have over their constituents, so they make up threats to keep them coming back for more. In the past it was slavery, then Communism, then often fighting black civil rights. Now the coffers are getting low and the sheep are shrugging their shoulders, so the next beast of the apocolypse must rear its ugly head.

Duck, Don and Silo, it's penguin season!

All quotes from the New York Times (2/7/04 & 2/8/04)