Saturday, January 01, 2005

Old Anxiety

Or Old Ang's Eye, whoever Ang is...of course I used to think that my mother's soap opera started out with "This is my danged carrot...and thes are the 'Days of Our Lives'" - it was McDonald Carrey, if you're curious - the announcer).

Lately there have been a few tidbits of gay news to rant on, but I've been unable to muster anything of interest to say about them. I will briefly mention that I'm most recently ticked off by South Carolina state Senator John Graham Altman, who helped set up South Carolina Public Television (to help educate all areas of the state) is threatening to withdraw funding because it aired a documentary of gays of the South and is therefore promoting a pro-gay agenda with state money. Of course no state money was used to air that documentary, only private donations, but that has not stopped the threat of cutting their funding (so much for caring about education). Altman, who seems fixated on gays, said that "we have to draw a line somewhere when it comes to the definition of education" and, obviously, promoting gays as being ok is too far.

Yes, let's sell only one product in the marketplace of ideas, shall we? Here's an online copy of the story.

In related news, Jesse Helm's granddaughter is reportedly lesbian and partnered, though not out (for fear her grandfather would have nothing to do with her) and a North Carolina Republican district court judge (in a state where the Republican party platform unequivocably states that "homosexuality is not normal"). Hello Mary Cheney redux. Perhaps the former senator might change his views on gays if he found out that his granddaughter was in fact, not the spawn of Satan (the grandspawn of Satan, yes).

But enough with this - it's time for my annual resolutions. For other people. It's more fun and a lot less taxing on me.

Be it resolved that:

#1. The American public and media not fixate on crimes, though sensational, would not have garnered half the attention had it not involved photogenic white middle-class people.

#2. Nobody should give any more attention to Paris Hilton or Brittany Spears. I mean really, people - enough with the slutting of America. Neither is talented and Brittany is only marginally cute. Here is the true moral decline of America - sick Michael Powell on Paris.

#3. George W Bush reinstate Tecumseh's Curse (ok, not really, just a very potent case of Montezuma's Revenge).

#4. Everyone drop the whole red/blue state thing, particularly those people who are obnoxiously smug and self-congratulatory for living in a blue state. I've lived in the South my entire life and frankly I love the South, regardless of its problems and modern proclivity toward hate-spewing Republicans. Furthermore, somebody has to live in the red states and do something to help change the status quo while you sit comfortably numb bitching in your blue womb. Lastly, the past three cities of residence went blue, so whooptie-freaking-do.

#5. Jesus appears on national television to let the religious right know how bad they're fucking this whole Christianity thing up. And to get "Touched by an Angel" off the air forever.

#6. Speaking of which, Jerry Faldwell has really plumped up. Get some lipo, Jerry. You're so fat you make Baby Jesus cry.

#7. You will discover that there is a comic book for you ("graphic novel" is the modern term). You will shed the Pow!Biff! stereotype to realize that whatever your interest: gay life, biography, history, romance, murder mystery, crime fiction, science fiction, westerns, etc. you can find a comic you will enjoy.

#8. The FMA becomes the "Full Marriage Amendment" making it impossible to discriminate against same-sex couple civil marriage.

#9. George W Bush sees the Wizard for a brain.

#10. Americans just get over their hang-ups with queers. Y'all ain't that hot.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Michael -- Interesting tidbit about Jesse Helms' granddaughter. If I remember correctly, Senator Barry Goldwater (AUH20 in '64!) faced the same family issue --and had become a vocal supporter of gay rights in his later years. His stances made sense from a traditional conservative approach, and yet they diverged from the NRC platform. And his activism stemmed from his personal relationship with his grandchild. Fascinating that we are not that scary...and are in many, many families!