Wednesday, September 29, 2004

God Must Be Fond of Donkeys, 'Cause He Has Plenty of Asses in His Congregations

Tuesday, NBC's The Today Show ran a clip, one in a series on political issues facing the candidates and country, on the issue of gay marriage. The video highlighted two gay men living in Arizona raising a son. The son, in his early teens, was the product of one of the men's previous marriage. He had been raised most of his life by the gay couple and expressed his love for his same-sex parents and their family life. The video also highlighted an Arizona Baptist minister who, surprise, surprise, opposes gay marriage. One of his main points was that if you allow gays to marry, you're gonna have to let people marry donkeys.

True, the donkey marriage lobby is a strong one, but I think it will be a few years before it rises to national prominence. When the party line of the religious right gets drawn out - the "what's next? cats and dogs living together? mass hysteria?" - why does nobody challenge this ridiculous piece of logic. The slippery slope is one of the most famous logical fallacies, made popular with the Vietnam war - if we didn't regain Vietnam, all of Asia would fall to Communism. Yet, nobody points out that we can allow anything we want to and cut it off at any point. Not to mention that I'm reasonably sure there is not much demand for donkey marriages. Obviously some asses get hitched from time to time, but that's a completely different story.

In related news, famed fallen fornicating evangelist (and cousin to the well-known Jerry Lee Lewis, the R Kelly of his time), Jimmy Swaggart managed to stop blubbering for a few minutes to proclaim that "...I'm going to be blunt and plain: If one ever looks at me like that, I'm going to kill him and tell God he died." Swaggart's congregation of about twelve approved his message with laughter and applause. (Swaggart, who used to run a mega-ministry prior to his prostitute scandal, now has to use curtains to hide the rows upon rows of empty pews in his church during television broadcasts.)

He has, to his credit, has apologized since: "It's a humorous statement that doesn't mean anything. You can't lie to God -- it's ridiculous...If it's an insult, I certainly didn't think it was, but if they are offended, then I certainly offer an apology."

Wow, what a great joke. Maybe he can make a similar joke about the President and then get thrown in jail where we wouldn't have to hear his simpering any longer(those of you unfamiliar with Jimmy need to know he usually spends a good portion of each message pouring on the water works. Hailing from Louisiana, he makes good use of alligator tears).

God caused Balaam's donkey to speak, saving them both from the waiting angel of death. God made an ass speak. Nowadays, seems like no divine intervention is needed.

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